


Without you, I am who I once was.

by DumbHumanBeing



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nygmobblepot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbHumanBeing/pseuds/DumbHumanBeing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 2x09<br/>Edward Nygma e Oswald Cobblepot live together and they found in each other the friend they've always looked for, but Nygma has still problems with his alter ego. Will he finally make peace with himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without you, I am who I once was.

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Without you, I am who I once was.](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/161534) by DumbHumanBeing. 



\- You've made a mess, I knew it!  
\- Enough... Just shut up... SHUT UP!

*

Since Oswald moved to Edward's house, a sort of alliance was created: on the one hand, there was a murderer known throughout Gotham who needed a place to hide. On the other was a psychopath excited by riddles who needed someone to help him in the practice of his games.

After Nygma took care of Oswald in that forest, he could not let him go. He knew his past, knew his reputation and he knew that, sooner or later, he would come in handy in some way; especially with his ‘experiments’ to hide.

Since Oswald entered his life, Edward had always had a certain curiosity and admiration for him. He had always seen Penguin as the King of Gotham, even when the whole city had turned its back on him. Not that Edward was not aware of recent events between his roommate, Jim Gordon, Mayor Galavan and the whole gang, but he simply did not care that much, mainly because his priority at that time was to find a safe place to bury his ex-girlfriend.

Having the famous Oswald Cobblepot around the house made him feel safe, in some way.

On the other hand, Oswald could not but be grateful to Nygma for saving his life; if he stayed a little longer in that trailer in the middle of nowhere, surely he would have died. Even when Edward had offered his house as a safe place to hide he could not refuse: having no one else to lean on, even when the thing he cared about the most in his life had been taken away without even giving him the chance to say goodbye, finding a partner in crime, someone who believed in him (and did not want him dead), was a huge success.

And slowly, with the passing of time, the two men had learned to know each other: they exchanged ideas, opinions and backstories about their lives, without having to worry about being judged, hated or excluded. After years, they had finally found what they had always wanted: a trusted companion, a friend.

But for Oswald Cobblepot, Edward Nygma was more than just a friend.

*

\- What's your problem?! You don't even know how to amputate an arm, for God sake!  
\- Leave me alone!

*

It was a day like any other.

Nygma went out early to take care of one of his ‘experiments’ while Oswald was in the living room, surrounded by thousands of paperwork and tables, to create a plan that would allow him to return to be the king he once was; Gotham still had great things in store for the Penguin.

The reality was that, this time, something went wrong. Nygma didn't know how but he found himself a man to tear in his basement, although he had promised himself that he would not kill anyone, at least for a while. But the man had arrived in the middle of his game. He had upset his plans... He deserved it, he couldn't be left free; he had to disappear.

As with his previous victims, all he would have to do would be to cut him into pieces in order to eliminate all traces.

But when Nygma began to amputate his left arm, the man woke up, tried to attack him, and without any hesitation, Edward cut his throat.

He had to do it, he had no choice. Yet that nagging little voice in the back of his head, the Edward Nygma - his alter ego, with whom he had learned to live, had turned up again and would not leave him in peace easily.

\- You're weak, Edward. You're not even capable of tearing someone!  
\- I'm not weak ... I'M NOT WEAK! You saw what I did! I slit his throat!  
\- It seems like the work of a rookie! I pity you. The Riddler doesn't even know how to get rid of a corpse. You are pathetic!  
\- Enough...  
\- What's your problem?! You don't even know how to amputate an arm, for God’s sake!  
\- Leave me alone!  
\- You've made a mess, I knew it!  
\- Enough... Just shut up... SHUT UP!  
He was tired of being told that he was weak, tired of being told that he would never become what he wanted, tired of having that pounding presence in his mind ready every time to point out his mistakes.

He took the knife with which he cut the carotid of the man, threw it to the ground and ran into his house, without even thinking about the rest. He was tired of having to listen that ‘better’ Edward Nygma; he just wanted him to shut up.

*

Oswald was still working on his papers. He was taking notes and doing calculations; the last weeks of his life had been devoted entirely to a plan, something that could work, something that would get him to have his city back.

He was so focused, so immersed in what he was doing, that he didn't even realize that his roommate had returned with his hands and clothes still bloody, running into the bathroom.

 

\- Hey, Ed! Maybe I know what will be my winning move!

There was no answer, but Oswald didn't particularly care; he continued with his work instead.

\- It's all about this house, it helps me focus better. Everything is so quiet here...

Again no reply, but again he didn't pay much attention.

\- It's been so long since I have looked for an ally... I'm glad I met you...

And it was true; with no place to go, without Butch, without his mother ... Finding Nygma was a blessing.

\- Every now and then I think about it and I realize I was an asshole the first time we met ... Right, Ed?

Having heard no answer again, Oswald began to wonder what the problem was.  
Usually, Nygma was talkative and would entertain talks with him on any subject. Oswald was expecting his roommate to appear and give him a smile after what he had just said.  
He walked into the bathroom, where he found his friend full of blood, washing it off of himself.

\- Oh my god, Ed! Are you okay?!

Not a single sound, not even an expression that could make Oswald understand something.

\- What the hell happened?! That blood is not yours, is it?!

When Oswald tried to take Nygma's wrists to see if the blood that covered him was coming from somewhere, his roommate stopped him. His bloody hands were tight around his wrists, without giving him the opportunity to escape.

\- Make it stop, please... Make it stop...

Edward seemed like a poor animal in agony, hopeful that the hunter would put an end to his suffering.  
Oswald didn't understand; he didn't understand what was going on in the head of his friend, he didn't know what made him feel like that, he didn't understand and he felt helpless for those teary eyes watching him, where he could see a shade of fear.

Suddenly, Oswald did it: without hesitation, he stood on tiptoe and kissed his partner.  
It wasn't a kiss full of passion or tension; it was simply a signal, to let him know that he was there, that he would not have gone anywhere and that whatever was hurting him, they would face it together.

Edward hesitated: he didn't know what to do, he found himself baffled by that gesture... But his inner voice silenced. Not that it was completely gone, but it became more muffled, as something distant, useless, and almost imperceptible. What lurked in his mind was kept at bay by a simple and tender kiss, unpretentious.  
When he realized that it was only thanks to that gesture that his alter ego had been silenced, he decided to hang on to the one thing that kept his head from exploding. He took Oswald's face with his still bloody hands and he didn't let him break the kiss, as if everything depended on that.

When they parted, there was a moment in which they looked into each other's eyes and Oswald felt like the reflection of fear he had seen before in the eyes of his friend had disappeared.

\- I'll help you to clean up the blood and then you tell me what happened, okay?

There was a moment of silence, then a smile appeared on Edward's face.

After all, it was not a day like any other.


End file.
